Jasmine Hart

Hi Amylith, I think the first two lines are great. I really love "teach me to love the sting of their thorns." I'd cut "For" as it sounds archaic and ...

Hi, your imagery is fabulous. I love "seaweed sways" and "seaweed swallows", and the sibilance works beautifully here. The last three lines are very powerful. I'd add punctuation, but that's ...

Hi, I think the tone works really well here. The questions really drew me in, and I love how the first two mirror each other in their sound. I think ...

Hi, I like how you've broken up the stanzas to reflect each new stage in the poem. You switch between past and present tense. I think the past tense is ...

Hi, I love the internal rhyme of "muttered in utter". I also like how it is Love being addressed. I'd put an ellipses instead of a comma after "ask". The ...

Hi, I really loved the third stanza. I love how you capture a moment in time. I'd cut out anything that sounds like something you've read before, for example references ...

Hi, This flows nicely and I love how the simplicity of the pattern contrasts with the speaker's pain. The last two stanzas are really great. The tone is very powerful ...

Hi, This flows nicely and I love how the simplicity of the pattern contrasts with the speaker's pain. The last two stanzas are really great. The tone is very powerful ...

Hey Clau, I really enjoyed this. I like how the form contrasts with what you're saying, and it also gives it a sort of throw-away feel, which is great. The ...

Hi, I loved the first two lines of the second stanza because there was that moment where I thought his daughter was actually sitting on his desk! The ending is ...

Hi, This was nice and different. I'd look at the tone because you're switching between different registers. I'd change "in sickness" to "sick" and "the time has surpassed" to "it ...

Hi, This is really lovely. I really enjoyed it. Your imagery is great and the rhyme scheme compliments the piece. I especially enjoyed the second stanza, and it ends beautifully. ...

Hi, Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here. I love the first four lines. You create a very clear image and manage to convey the emotions of the ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I really like "No longer do the pillows Comfort us in our own beds" I'd cut out lines line "while ...

Hi, This is a lovely idea and I love your imagery, especially; "The air is green" and "horses' hooves pound the ground" (the internal rhyme here is great.) and "the ...